Often I joke that I was born a middle-aged man. No one has ever asked me to prove it, but I can.
There's a funny thing between fathers and daughters. My sister will back me up on this. If you get a father with a coaching-pep-talk-Zig Ziglar-vibe who is extra communicative and lets you follow him around, you begin to morph into him at a young age. Eventually, what you've got is a little 10-year-old moving through the world with 40-year-old sensibilities. It's the reason I received a Valentine in 4th grade that said, "Pam + Jason = Tru Love 4Ever," and responded, "I like you a lot, but we're too young to be using words like 'love' and 'forever,' especially in this uncertain economy. Reagan may help, fingers crossed, but it's too soon to know." Likewise, when a boy tried to hold my hand walking home from school, I told him I just wanted to be friends, because I needed both hands free to gesticulate while I was talking [see aforementioned Zig Ziglar training].
Considering this, it makes sense that in 1981, while my friends were writing fan letters to celebrities like Scott Baio, Shaun Cassidy, and John Stamos, I was writing to Johnny Carson, Steve Martin, and Ronald Reagan. And although what I was writing weren't exactly NOT fan letters, they weren't normal either.
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Dear Mr. Carson [keeping it professional]
I see what you're doing, and I like it. Keep up the good work. You always do such a good job putting the guests at ease. You get the best responses when they are comfortable, but you know that. I've watched your show most of my life [I was 10]. I enjoy Carnac the Magnificent, but if I'm honest, I enjoy your interviews most and the way you get cracked up right along with the guests.
I bet your contract will be renewed forever, but show business can be fickle. Just keep doing what comes naturally, and you'll be fine whether it's renewed or not. But I really think it will be.
Pam Sanderson
I was born a middle class white child. Get it? I have watched "The Jerk" countless times. It's my favorite movie, and I'm so glad things are progressing so quickly in your career. I first came to know your work through Saturday Night Live and the "Wild and Crazy Guys" skit. I love it. However, [we knew there would be a however], recently I discovered your early standup recordings in small clubs. I really like the dry, absurd jokes about philosophy. Your humor is so unique in these.
I wonder if your agent pressured you to go another direction with your material. I love ALL of your material obviously, but don't be afraid to do what feels right to YOU. "Cruel Shoes" is one of my favorite books. Maybe it doesn't sell out arenas, but I want to encourage you to do what you enjoy, so you don't burn out. Just my opinion.
Also, I got a banjo from my dad for Christmas this year. He loves you too, and would like to see you expand in your music career.
Pam Sanderson
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Dear President Reagan:
Whew! Being president must be the hardest job in the world. We are so thankful that you are willing to try. I know it's new to you, but hang in there. Ask a lot of questions, and it'll come to you quickly. My dad says that it's hard to get any normal, sensible person to serve as president, but we are really optimistic about your term. You have a very friendly way about you, and even though, it is hard work, I bet you'll do just great if you surround yourself with good people like all good leaders do.
Be sure to sleep when you can, and make sure Nancy does too. My mom says being First Lady is probably worse than being President.
Pam Sanderson
(I was very concerned with burn out and self-care at a young age).