When I see people grab for things personally or professionally, I think, "Why? Calm down; there is enough for everyone." If someone gets a promotion and others respond, "Why not me?" my gut reaction is, "There will be more opportunities. Don't panic. Be happy for that person." Someone gets married, and another one's reaction is, "But when's my turn?" and I think, "Don't sweat it; half of marriages end in divorce; you'll get him the next time around, and by then, you won't want him anyway."
Lately, I've been wondering why people react differently. This morning, I read a chapter titled "What's the Story, Morning Glory?" in Adreanna Limbach's book Tea and Cake with Demons. Because you HAVE to read a chapter called that, right?
She says [very loosely quoted] the moment you wake, you are a blank slate for a moment, then the stories and views rush in reminding you who you are and are not, what you should and should not be, and often where you lack.
We each see the world through a pinprick-sized hole in a tapestry. Each of our views is shaped differently. Why do some of us feel like there is so much possibility in the world, and some of us just see the lack? Our culture, childhood, finances, race, gender, history shape how we see everything.
When I think of my surprise to someone seeing good happen and their reaction is, "Why not me?" I realize I was raised in a home hearing there was enough for everyone. And there actually was enough. I had the luxury of being given what I needed to live comfortably. Add to that, the benefit of being encouraged from childhood to aim for whatever role or job I wanted. I was constantly taught all opportunities were open to me.
This was a benefit and a privilege obviously. But I've been thinking about how it relates to generosity.
I've always thought generosity was a personality trait. But what if generosity is just present because there was always plenty to share? I'd like to believe it can be both.
My dad is the most generous person I know. Yet, he grew up with very little at times. Consequently, he never wanted our family to do without or feel less than anyone else. Ever. Because he had lived that.
It seems like he'd almost be the opposite. Another reasonable reaction would be feeling continually fearful of having enough; hoarding money or fixating on security in the future; or being risk averse professionally. But he didn't - or, if he did feel these things, he kept it private. He did not pass on that stress and fear to us.
Conversely, I look at some people who appear to have so much yet cling to it. I don't know everyone's backstory, but I know some friends who come from several generations of wealth and education and professional security, yet still seem fearful and lack generosity. What causes the difference?
How was Dad able to be so generous? Is it as simple as the fact that we were his family, so he loved us and didn't want us to experience what he knew was painful? If so, there must be some "re-mapping" or rewiring that can occur through choice. Or love. Or sheer parental instinct. But he wasn't generous only with us. So, could it not just be a personality trait?
All I know is that he rewrote the story for us. He taught us that there are always more opportunities and there is always enough to share with someone. He taught us not to fear running out.
[He may have taught us to fear and avoid a lot of other things like the undertow at the beach, having a pet monkey, and that a pressure washer can take off your toes, but not being generous].
For that I'm thankful.