...is the first thing I think when I open the laptop to write today. I didn't sit down to think about curtains, but I'm near a window, and you know how those things go. The best way to ensure you won't focus, is to tell yourself you MUST. I assume we all do this to some extent, yes?
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| This one is so faded, because it's been there a looong time. |
Around my desks at home and work I have paper hearts which read, "One Thing at a Time," When you have a lot to do, isn't staying focused just the hardest thing in the whole wide world? When some people get overwhelmed, they break into action double-time. Others of us become paralyzed like a deer in the headlights. I don't know what the last third of us does: Drink? If so, one of you drinkers nudge me out of these headlights and towards the bar please. I'll join you.
For several years, I've been practicing this One Thing at a Time game. I say "game," because it involves some trickery of myself. I try to trick myself into being a person who can compartmentalize my life better. For so long, I was taught that men can compartmentalize better than women. I heard that when they are at work, they think about work; when they are at home, they think about home. Is that true, or is that a stereotype? I no longer know which things are gender-related or just personality and human-related. I'm new to being a liberal and democrat, so have patience.
As I'm writing this, I realize that the gender roles I was taught certainly do make you men sound robotronic. I'm picturing a tall blocky guy at an office grunting, "Office: Spreadsheets. Home: Listen to wife or at least watch lips move. Bed: Is sex time. Oh, morning again? Must get dressed to go to place of spreadsheets."
Shit. You know what's going to happen now, right? I'm going to decide to write about terrible stereotypes of men and women instead of focusing on doing One Damn Thing at a Time. And it's only a blog and the stupid internet, so we know I'm going to allow myself.
Okay, okay...thinking...breathing...considering which way to go....Help me, paper hearts and Oprah. Is Oprah still alive and on tv? God, don't add a Third Thing to think about. Pulling myself back. Okay; robotronic men analysis is tomorrow. I want to finish my One Thing [see how much better I'm getting?].
As I was saying, I've been practicing my One Thing at a Time for several years. I'm getting better at going back to the One Thing (please see above two paragrapsh as proof), BUT yesterday I noticed something new...
For example, say you're overwhelmed about several parts of your life: money, parenting well, exercising, and money again. This week, I was with my kids for five consecutive days (we share custody). I had a great time with them. I was focused on engaging and trying not to fall asleep on the couch during our tv time. And it was great. We had a good time, we talked, they put themselves to bed when I fell asleep during our tv time, it was great, until...
THE minute they headed off to school with their dad yesterday, my eyes sprang open in panic and I thought, "OMIGOD HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE ENOUGH MONEY TO LIVE THE NEXT FORTY YEARS? WHY HAVEN'T I BEEN MAKING MY PLAN? WHAT IS A PLAN? HOW DO PEOPLE MAKE THEM? HOW DID I GO FIVE DAYS WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT THIS? OMIGOD WHAT IF I ACTUALLY LIVE FORTY YEARS? THAT'S SO LONG! DEAR OPRAH, PLEASE SEND A BLASTING COMET BEFORE THE MONEY RUNS OUT."
You see what happened? Actually, I had done a great job at focusing on my One Thing. I'd done well. Yet, I punished myself immediately afterwards by allowing all of the other things to rush in with a vengeance. This is bad for a few reasons. First, it's terribly stressful, and I could feel my body clench up - and not in a productive Pilates way. Second, that post-focusing anxiety instinctively made me fear diving into full-focus-mode and engaging in the future. Because it's easy to believe the lie that if you don't worry about something, it'll go wrong - even if, intellectually, we know worrying accomplishes nothing.
The morning was challenging. But then I found more trickery for the future:
I told myself, "Listen, you just did your First Thing well. It's complete. Feel that panic of the other things? Breathe and say, 'Hey, thank god I didn't forget there's a second thing to be done. But, I'm not going to panic. Instead, I'm going to take it as a sign that this is my Next Thing. AND this is proof that I am allowed to focus on one thing at a time and not worry that I'll forget the next things just because I dive into the present task."
And I'll remember the curtains the next time I sit down to write about terrible male and female stereotypes, so everything is fine.