i look at this little ninja in this matchbox trundle bed
and i think of yesterday...the day before that and of all the days that i
wind myself up with " i should haves" and "failed tos,"
self-flagellating with "i'll nevers" and "if onlys," until i'm in such a state
of flailing that i can't come back to any sort of calm.
like when you see a toddler that only needs a nap
or a device that needs a reset, because they're stuck or stymied.
these are the times that i joke "if you really loved me, you'd hit me
in the head with a hammer, so i could be unconscious until this passes."
but what i really need is someone to take my sword gently from my hand,
put it on a high shelf out of sight,
until i remember it's to be used rarely, and even then,
only against great injustices and never against myself or the people i love.
maybe hide it in a cabinet, because i'm quick to take it back.
and maybe even lock that cabinet because i'll probably guess which cabinet,
and i'm not above sneaking.
just lead me over to the safe little bed with the clean soft sheets.
i won't want to get in, so you'll need to be patient,
but i've lived enough to know what i need.
and i will comply if i know you love me...
if i really really know you do and aren't just tucking me away
because i'm being noisy.
maybe a hand on the frowny forehead
so those knitted brows can untangle
and once they're straight or at least straighter,
you can crawl in beside me
or carry on with your day.
that's all i need really.
and when you need it, i'll try to be really good at returning the favor.