i saw the boy who was seen

once there was a boy
who thought he was seen.

he was a beautiful boy.
everyone thought so....his mother told him so..
everyday she'd say "you are the most beautiful most special boy in the world. you will do great things one day.
you will.
you must.
everyone expects it."
and the boy believed her.

he went to school, he went to church, and everywhere he went, everyone agreed
he was awfully, terribly beautiful and special indeed.
and the boy believed them.

but eventually things felt uncertain

because sometimes that happens in life.
and the people telling him he was special, seemed to not be so wise about other things.
his mother changed like the wind, and sometimes she was so wrong about so many other things
that it made the boy wonder if she might be wrong about him as well.

it was a bit like having the softest silkiest rug placed under him,
and then having it jerked out.
and then placed under him, and then ripped out again

·

and after awhile, the boy had a hard time letting her slide it back under him anymore.
she still tried, but it didn't work as well and it ended up being just sort of bunched around him,
it was something at least, but it didn't block out fully the cold concrete beneath him.

so he went to school, and he went to church
and everyone continued to say he was a beautiful special boy,
but now he wasn't so sure.

·

eventually he began to become a little sharper around the edges...it was okay because it happens with boys about that age, but it also happens when the cold seeps in from the concrete at night

the boy was still beautiful and special. but he started to replace soft with a sharp clever edge,
and everyone loved it.

except the boy.
it worked, but something was just a bit off.
it came easily to him, but his soft part got covered over...

like a shell over a tender soft animal...and the animal was his sweet soft heart.

mostly he went on, but sometimes he would try to uncover it a bit
but when he did and shared it
it felt like everyone reminded him"be clever, be beautiful, be very very special. be sharp, be smart, be very very handsome"

and you'd think it would feel good, and sometimes it did, but sometimes the boy 

just wanted to be.

he went on through the years, he studied, he traveled,

he learned and enjoyed
and did interesting things.
he adapted and pleased and accomplished a good bit,
and on the whole, he was happy with his life.

it wasn't perfect, but no one's was really
it seemed selfish to ask for more than he had.

i mean hard things had happened, but good things had too

it seemed so ungrateful to complain

and yet...

yet...
something...

something, he couldn't quite place it, tugged at his soft, soft heart.

his heart wanted out. and it'd had enough hiding, and the boy, now a man, wasn't sure what to do.

then the boy, now a man, finally had a happening..

possibly the most significant happening of his life.

the boy, now a man, had a son of his own and when the son arrived, the man's heart rebelled.

the heart swelled so much and so fast that it wouldn't stay put.  it wasn't willing to hide in its shell in its cave anymore, and the man thought he might die from the joy and the pain.

he looked at the boy who was beautiful and special

and he touched his face and thought

you.
you.
are the best thing i have ever ever done.

and the boy smiled back, because why wouldn't he believe him? he could see in the man's eyes that it was true.

but the man didn't say what his mother had told him, "you're beautiful, you're special. do everything because you are amazing and deserve it."

instead he said, "Boy. Sweet Boy. You are my heart. I didn't even know it was this soft anymore. "

"you are beautiful and you are special but that's not why i love you. i love you because you are you and are mine.

as the boy grew older, the man saw the boy was clever,
saw he was smart.
he told the boy,
"even though you are clever, so clever, i love you because of your heart.
and i know there will be times when you'll want it covered over, but i hope you will resist because a hidden heart aches.

it's the best part of you and you're the best part of me,
and we will do our best to help each other just be.  okay?  okay, Boy?"

and the boy just grinned and ran off to play.  he believed his father, and didn't think too much about it.  why would he doubt him? 
he had only ever seen his father's heart as soft and free.