Brave New Commune



Our only real problem is technology.  And quinoa.  And non-skid throw rugs.  I blame the industrial revolution for most of it, and Atari for the rest.  We'd never have any problems if we still lived in an agrarian society.

You see, I'm naturey at heart. That's all it is.  I'm like a Thoreau stuffed inside a Whitman.  I'm a woodsy turducken, and even though you have heard that a million times, I was the first to say it. 

I just want to live on a plot of land, tend my baby otters, and grow my own Cheezits.  What am I saying--you know--it's what we all want.  And I suspect we'd thrive in a commune.

I don't mean one of those disorganized hippie groups.  We're not savages.  We'd have a chore chart.  No conchs allowed, just one lady with a bullhorn surrounded by a whole lot of nudists. 

I've got a glue stick so I'll be in charge obviously, but there will be a place for each of you. 

Say now, who is good at pep talks?  We need you the most.  It'll be fun for sure, but it's not like there won't be blue days.  When you live in a cult community, not every person will be on the same page all the time.  There'll be days when someone struggles, and they're all "Oooooo I miss my family," or "Ouch, my scurvy hurts."  Another guy might be all "I'm nervous about the upcoming suicide pact," or "I'm tired of watering the beets."  You get the idea.  We'll need someone who is good at talking folks down from the ledge, figuratively and literally (obviously we'll settle near a canyon, so we somewhere to throw our empty absinthe YooHoo bottles.  We don't want the baby goats to step on them).

Or hey, maybe you are super tall and strong, but way too handsome to work.  There's a place for you too.  You can be our totem pole.  We'll need something to meet around for the fireworks each morning and the administering of the Indian burns each night.  Wait, is that politically incorrect?  I don't think so, because I've hired a guy from India to give them to the people who make puns.

What if you are good looking and smart? You can be in charge of repopulating.  Handle that however you see fit.  I'm not one to micromanage.

My point is that there is a spot for everyone, but I can't think of everything.  I'll be tired from the gluing.  You have to find your own place, but there are plenty of openings.