I have found them helpful.
[She announced as if she were a fancy emotional scientific doctor person].
One of the hardest things is to stay in the present and "just be."
Trying to do it has gotten me through some hard times. Like Kimmy Schmidt turning that crank in the bunker, there have been seasons where I persevered by telling myself, "I can do anything for 10 more seconds. And when that 10 seconds is over, I'll just start a new 10 seconds."
I get that.
It's helpful. Sometimes it's the only way to move through a day or week or year.
"Practicing Mindfulness" is very helpful. Within one week, I had two doctors and a counselor suggest it to me. You pay attention to that kind of repetition in your life. Either you need to consider what is being suggested, or you need to quit being so chatty, because everyone is telling you basically, "Hey, why don't you go sit still and be quiet for awhile?" You may as well try it. Don't dig too deep into their intentions. As far as I can tell, practicing mindfulness helps me get in the moment; feel my feelings; breathe and being more aware of my body.
All good things.
I'm a big fan.
I like these two approaches because:
1) They are coping mechanisms; and
2) Being more in tune with what is going on in and around me helps me make better choices and feel calmer. This is a win-win for me and anyone who has to spend more than 30 seconds around me.
Recently however, I realized something that makes me nervous. At times, I've used "focusing solely on the present," in a way that hurt me instead of helped me. I used it like blinders. In hindsight, I know why. I was confused personally and spiritually. I couldn't make sense of certain things, so I put on blinders so that I could see nothing besides the tiny world around me. This too was a coping mechanism. I did the best I could, and I'm not sorry, but it's not a good long-term modus operandi.
Years ago as a new mom, I read that newborns sometimes sleep as a way of shutting out too much noise or stimulation. Maybe this is why when you take your newborn to a party, all your friends say, "He's such a good sleeper! You're so lucky!" Then you go home, and that baby is awake all night. His system shut down for the party, because it was protecting him from all the action. But later, he is ready to party like a drunken monkey, because he rested while a million people were tickling his feet.*
Like a newborn, when things are too much, cope how you can. But don't confuse this with healthy "staying in the present." Blinders-mode is different. Blinders can be rationalizing or even dissociation. Mix this with an unhealthy dose of skewed theology, and you've got potential for a real Molotov cocktail.
In my mind, for years, I heard a resounding gong of "GOD IS SOVEREIGN."
I believed god knew everything would happen before it did, and was in control at all times. Nothing happened that god didn't allow or approve. Even if it was something horrible--even if it I believed it was a tragedy god wept over--underlying that sorrow, there was ultimately allowance of the situation for a higher good we couldn't understand. I used to believe that - or at least try because I was taught it was true.
Is allowance of an event or catastrophe or injustice the same as willing it to happen? Well, you can spend years banging your head against the wall along with a million other theologians trying to split that hair. I have. And I don't have the answer. And that's not really the point I'm trying to make.
My point is that you can be in a very bad situation. You can look, within the confines or your "blinders," and see only the scope of your limited vision. You can pray for help in the situation, for grace to keep turning that crank, and you can RECEIVE the help and fortitude to keep going. This is coping.
Recently however, I realized something that makes me nervous. At times, I've used "focusing solely on the present," in a way that hurt me instead of helped me. I used it like blinders. In hindsight, I know why. I was confused personally and spiritually. I couldn't make sense of certain things, so I put on blinders so that I could see nothing besides the tiny world around me. This too was a coping mechanism. I did the best I could, and I'm not sorry, but it's not a good long-term modus operandi.
Years ago as a new mom, I read that newborns sometimes sleep as a way of shutting out too much noise or stimulation. Maybe this is why when you take your newborn to a party, all your friends say, "He's such a good sleeper! You're so lucky!" Then you go home, and that baby is awake all night. His system shut down for the party, because it was protecting him from all the action. But later, he is ready to party like a drunken monkey, because he rested while a million people were tickling his feet.*
Like a newborn, when things are too much, cope how you can. But don't confuse this with healthy "staying in the present." Blinders-mode is different. Blinders can be rationalizing or even dissociation. Mix this with an unhealthy dose of skewed theology, and you've got potential for a real Molotov cocktail.
In my mind, for years, I heard a resounding gong of "GOD IS SOVEREIGN."
I believed god knew everything would happen before it did, and was in control at all times. Nothing happened that god didn't allow or approve. Even if it was something horrible--even if it I believed it was a tragedy god wept over--underlying that sorrow, there was ultimately allowance of the situation for a higher good we couldn't understand. I used to believe that - or at least try because I was taught it was true.
Is allowance of an event or catastrophe or injustice the same as willing it to happen? Well, you can spend years banging your head against the wall along with a million other theologians trying to split that hair. I have. And I don't have the answer. And that's not really the point I'm trying to make.
My point is that you can be in a very bad situation. You can look, within the confines or your "blinders," and see only the scope of your limited vision. You can pray for help in the situation, for grace to keep turning that crank, and you can RECEIVE the help and fortitude to keep going. This is coping.
If you believe in god and in god's assistance and provision, you may believe this is grace and strength provided for you to survive in a challenging situation. You may be right. You may even thrive somewhere challenging. You may see good things happen within the situation such as progress, personal growth and blessings on the people around you within the situation.
However, don't mistake this for god's or the universe's stamp of approval on the situation. A terrible job, a bad relationship, a personal or wide-scale tragedy, a system or racism or abuse... yes, some good things may happen within them at times. Provision for endurance will come in small or large ways, and prayers for help will be answered.
This does NOT mean things are okay.
With blinders on, you can survive quite awhile on these provisions and answered prayers. However, if you don't look up, around and outside of the present...if you don't take a step back and scan the horizon and talk to someone outside of that moment and limited scope, you can be stuck in The Present focusing on "Just Being" and think it's okay.
It's not always okay. Sometimes things are bad. Eventually that can harm even a person of faith in a sovereign being. A person can only believe "the bad" is god's will for them so long before it alters how they feel about god. For me, I begin to believe either god is not good, doesn't love me like i believed, or doesn't exist at all.
Some of you don't struggle with this. Some of you aren't even bothered with whether a god exists. I understand that more everyday. Sometimes I envy it. But for some of us, I think we have swallowed down that God- is-Sovereign-Pill in a dangerous way. Because even if you believe god is with you and helps you, doesn't mean god doesn't want change or justice.
However, don't mistake this for god's or the universe's stamp of approval on the situation. A terrible job, a bad relationship, a personal or wide-scale tragedy, a system or racism or abuse... yes, some good things may happen within them at times. Provision for endurance will come in small or large ways, and prayers for help will be answered.
This does NOT mean things are okay.
With blinders on, you can survive quite awhile on these provisions and answered prayers. However, if you don't look up, around and outside of the present...if you don't take a step back and scan the horizon and talk to someone outside of that moment and limited scope, you can be stuck in The Present focusing on "Just Being" and think it's okay.
It's not always okay. Sometimes things are bad. Eventually that can harm even a person of faith in a sovereign being. A person can only believe "the bad" is god's will for them so long before it alters how they feel about god. For me, I begin to believe either god is not good, doesn't love me like i believed, or doesn't exist at all.
Some of you don't struggle with this. Some of you aren't even bothered with whether a god exists. I understand that more everyday. Sometimes I envy it. But for some of us, I think we have swallowed down that God- is-Sovereign-Pill in a dangerous way. Because even if you believe god is with you and helps you, doesn't mean god doesn't want change or justice.
I spent (still spend if I'm honest) so much time watching for signs that I'm on the right track or wrong track. Signs aren't always a good litmus test. You don't say, "Well, the house hasn't burned down. I guess I'll keep living here," or "The company is making a profit, so that's a sign that it is the place for me," and "We saw light in people when they helped in that natural disaster, so it all worked out for good."
Not everything is a sign.
Not every blessing is a message to continue on a path.
On a lighter note, let's finish by reconsidering that newborn. That newborn who partied like a drunken monkey may never remember how they shut down through that party. Their system protects them that way. But we are grown ups now. We don't have to live on one of two planes: Coping or Drunken Monkey. We can learn, see wrong and call it out once we feel able. We can stand up on this tickled feet and walk out of wrong situations. If you believe in god, I believe god walks with you.