Once there was a pig named Perry.
His full name was Periodontist,
so obviously he had a nickname.
He was nice, polite, friendly and nondescript,
which shouldn't be true.
The nice, polite, friendly pigs should be the most descript and special,
but that's how life is.
Everyday Perry would walk to school
where his favorite class was Corn Kernels: A Deeper Study.
The cool pigs called it CKADS (pronounced "See Kads"),
but Perry wasn't cool.
He always said "Corn Kernels Colon A Deeper Study"
He even said the word "colon."
The class studied how to recycle kernels
and repurpose them
because they were Democrats.
The point was to reuse niblets in new ways
to keep nearby farms sustainable, growing and blah blah blah boring words.
But one day
when Perry was in class
he thought, "Screw the farms!
What have the farms ever done for us except provide
food, shelter, life and mates?!"
He leaned over his lab table and
whispered to his friend Mal - short for Malwarebytes -
"Hey Mal! Know how I'm always complaining about my torso feeling chilly in
Corn Kernels Colon A Deeper Study?"
And Mal said, "You mean See Kads?" (Mal was cool).
Perry said, "Yeah! Well that shit stops today!" He raised his hoof into the air with jubilance
and announced, "I shall make the the fanciest,
pimpest, most bedazzled, badass
corn kernel vest you've ever seen!"
Mal said, "I've never seen even one,"
and scooted two seats away.
So with a gleam in his eye
and a pattern in his heart Perry did.
And that vest was everything he dreamt it would be:
pimp, bedazzling and badass.
If this were a different type of story
or Perry were a different type of pig,
he might've set a vest trend and become the coolest pig in school.
But it isn't,
and he wasn't,
so he did not become cooler.
He just became a vested pig.
However, from that day forward,
no one dared call him nondescript again.