oh internet, how i don't love you. let me count the ways.

(this is not a poem.  i don't why i can't just use paragraphs and punctuation)

sometimes I hate everything on the internet.
social media seems to stress me out,
even when I don't know that it's happening,
and even though I really like you people.

so many things flashing at us.
videos, quotes, tragedies, jokes
such an emotional roller coaster to ride.
I think it might be hard on our brains and hearts.

I'm not saying it's never helped.
I've read words and seen pictures that have opened my heart or mind a bit more.
I've felt a new wrinkle grow in my grey matter,
or something was beautiful and encouraging, and I was thankful.
but I'm always wondering whether the trade off is worth it.
the anxiety of so much, so many, so often, so unpredictable.

I think our insides might be growing wide and shallow,
and it makes my skin feel thinner, but ironically more calloused at the same time.
how is that even possible?  it doesn't sound good, does it?

but we live in the time period in which we live.
we don't get to choose.
and even though I joke about it, I don't really want to be amish.
I need zippers.
I need space heaters.
(oh the amish have those now?
okay, well still, those weird beards).

but I guess we can carve out tiny quiet nooks
and try to teach our children the same.
it's mad hard though, you know?
but we just have to.

I have to quit fantasizing about a different way of life and adapt or wade through.
besides if there are a ton of people and words in one place,
I'm definitely not missing it.

[from the poem Dogfish]

"And nobody gets out of it, having to
swim through the fires to stay in
this world.
And look! look! look!
I think those little fish
better wake up and dash themselves away
from the hopeless future that is
bulging toward them.

And probably,
if they don't waste time
looking for an easier world,

they can do it."