so, I did stand up for a year with y'all...99% at the Idiot Box...mostly one night a week.
when I started, I didn't set a year-long goal, it has just worked out that way. in fact, going on stage for open mics once a week made me so anxious EVERY SINGLE TIME for days prior; I expected myself to quit almost every week.
and everytime someone scheduled me for a "real" show, the irrational part of my brain controlled by anxiety would sincerely think, "wow. it's going to be hard on him when I have to back out of that show. I physically won't be able to show up. yep, this is the week I'm quitting comedy; it's really going to suck for Eric/Alex/Zack/Steve, etc...oh well, can't be helped."
but y'all are a big part of the reason I kept coming back. females can't do much alone; we HAVE to have community and a team, and there really were ONLY male comics at the beginning (SO SO MANY MEN...what the hell?), so you'd think I would've been left hanging. HOWEVER, you made a little home and family for me. a really really good one. some weeks I only wrote jokes at all, because I knew I couldn't hang out with you with any self-respect, if I kept putting garbage up on stage.
I know all of you know this, but in my opinion being in that audience when we each go up and experiment and everyone mixes together and things happen organically that can't be put on paper, but only sort of remembered in your mind and heart afterwards...that's some of the best art. wordy art. (well, I guess it can and SHOULD be recorded, but I think we all know that I never remember to record anything--no comment, Eric). that's okay though, because the way I remember all the nights is better: just a sense of something rough and imperfect, but kind of magical happening...even the nights when most of the material is total shit, the experience is something original that will never happen again. and I love those nights. and I love having found people that love it and understand it too.
this is sentimental and schmoopy, but I AM a girl after all, and a mom on top of that, so really, it just can't be helped...believe me, I've tried to lock it down.
thank you thank you THANK YOU for taking care of me all year, and welcoming me, and encouraging me...answering endless questions, dealing with lots of female ups and downs...and my sometimes unexpected heavy (for me) drinking. thank you for never punching me in the stomach as hard as I asked you to.
I joke with some of you and with my mom friends that I'm like your mom or big sister...as if I look out for y'all and worry about you and teach you things, but sincerely it feels like you looked out for me as much as I ever did for you. I have always been the one learning.
Obviously, I'm not dying or disappearing, but sometimes if you don't say what you think in the moment, you never say it. SO... I love y'all much much muchos. and will see you when I can, but am sad because it won't be exactly the way that it has been.
you are good, smart, strong, kind, funny-oh-so-FUNNY men. I hope each of you knows what a treasure you are...sometimes I'm afraid you don't.
I'm thankful for you, friends.
be just as good to the rest of the girls that come through, okay?
(p.s. i think we all know that this "break" is just a front, so I can get breast-enhancement...i'll be back in 6 months with PLENTY to show for it).