my new running shoes...flippin' puddle suckers...



I own these shoes.
See how magically the light passes through them?
So does EVERY FLIPPIN' PUDDLE.
I try to be thankful for what I've got, but I'm 2 months in to these shoes, and I'm ready to hunt down the salesguy's house and at least throw one egg at it...okay a cooked egg 'cause I'm nice, but I'm still ticked.
I don't pay to work out....
I don't even buy clothes to run in. I look rough. Chris says "like an 80s rapper."

(I wear a lot of Adidas...that I bought in the 80s...when I was into rap).
I'm low maintenance and low budget.
My exercise regime is like Tom Hanks in Castaway on a deserted island. I run, I do some pushups, I lift some coconuts, I'm done.
But I have to have shoes.


I'm American and over 40, and even though every other runner read Born to Run, and decided they should run barefoot, I never fell for it.
I don't live in the mountains of Mexico.
I don't want to have nature crawling up my legs and giving me shin splints while I'm out for my 2 mile jog and personal karaoke time.
So I need REAL shoes.


I waited 3 years to buy new ones. I had a sale, a coupon, and a smile for the guy to give me an extra 10% off (I also might have given him a lingering hug for an extra 5%, but I'd rather not say here).
He talked to me for an hour about every detail of the shoe...well, almost every detail.
Ran the first time in them, and thought, "Hmmm, the puddles are deep today. Must've rained more than I thought, if it's coming in the sides of the shoe." But I'm adaptable (like Tom Hanks), so I just dodged other puddles.


Next day, "Boy, the DEW is strong this morning." 
Dew shouldn't even impact your life.
Second day, heavy dew index again.

After the third day, even I figured out that if you're noticing the dew situation, you should check the bottom of your shoes.
So I checked.

THEY ARE MESH. THEY ARE SOCKS WITH DECORATIVE TREADS. 
 WHAT THE HELL SALESGUY-I-LINGERING-HUGGED?!  
HOW DID THIS NOT COME UP IN OUR HOUR LONG HUG-CHAT?
YOU TELL ME EVERYTHING EXCEPT THAT THEY ARE FOOT SIEVES?!  

THAT WAS PERTINENT.

I blame him.
I blame the runners who have convinced companies to make these ridiculous shoes.  The companies wouldn't make them, if some silly human didn't ask for them.
I blame the author of that book.
I blame Mexico.



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