i know what you did last summer...we all do.

I know what you did last summer...we all do. Guess why? You were not in private; you were in the ocean. Or you were in the public pool. And you were necking - BIG time.

I find it surprising that Americans, who demand privacy in so many areas of our lives, have found a place where we let it all hang out (besides Walmart): any public body of water.

Get us on the beach, and baby, it's no holds barred. Boyfriends and girlfriends are climbing each other like ladders. Long embraces, sloppy kisses, and general grubbing that's just plain awkward for the other 100 people on the beach.

My personal favorite is the man in the ocean holding the woman in his arms as if he's carrying her over the threshold on their wedding night. They are just standing there, chest-deep in the water, waves washing over them. You can tell they are in their own private moment. Except they're not. There's a crowd of us on the beach with nowhere to look but at them. And no one wants to see that skinny guy with his hands embedded deep into the ripply thighs of the girl with the Every Rose has its Thorn tatoo.

Or consider the teenage couple lounging in the neighborhood pool: the girl standing behind her boyfriend, arms wrapped around his chest as they casually talk to passersby. Is she holding him up? Is he paralyzed? We wish. No, they simply are enjoying their parent-free afternoon. But guess what. The rest of us are parents too, and you are making us need to homeschool...far far away from wherever you go to school (which evidently is in my district).

Call me crazy, but aside from some crabs possibly stacked on top of each other, I'm not prepared on our family beach outing to explain the birds and bees to my children. And when we go to the pool, I want people to remember that the water is clear. You can see me, right? Hey, me too!